Can you forgive someone and still hold a grudge?

It’s easy to see how, according to the Oxford Dictionary, holding a grudge must necessarily be the opposite of forgiveness: If your resentment persists, you can’t stop feeling resentful. That would mean holding a grudge directly means not forgiving someone.

How long does someone hold a grudge for?

Many people hold grudges, deep ones, that can last a lifetime. Many are unable to let go of the anger they feel towards those who “wronged” them in the past, even though they may have a strong desire and put in a concerted effort to do so.

What happens when you don’t forgive someone for hurting you?

When someone hurts you, you want this person to be accountable and to feel remorse. However, your tight grip on resentment won’t change his or her unwillingness to accept responsibility. Your anger will not teach this person a lesson. In fact, your lack of forgiveness will only weigh on you and hold you back.

What is forgiveness and how to forgive?

By forgiving, you let go of your grievances and judgments and allow yourself to heal. While this may sound good in theory, in practice forgiveness can sometimes feel impossible. To learn how to forgive, you must first learn what forgiveness is not. Most of us hold at least some misconceptions about forgiveness.

Should you ever forgive someone before you know you’re ready?

Do not attempt to forgive someone before you have identified, fully felt, expressed, and released your anger and pain. If you decide you are willing to forgive, find a good place and time to be alone with your thoughts.

Is it OK to not extend forgiveness immediately?

If you don’t feel like you can extend forgiveness immediately, that’s OK. It can take some time to reach that place. When it comes to forgiveness, authenticity is essential. Forced forgiveness doesn’t really benefit anyone since you’re still holding on to pain and anger.